Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you hide the bottle instead of spin it? Did you decide you had to know who gave good face? Were you tempted to ask your minister if he'd sing "I Got You Babe"? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!
Hello, Scoopers! It's April, and B&B's got the fools. Oh, those crazy kids, Wyatt and Steffy. Walking down the sandy aisle with no clue that the guy who could cause a tidal wave for both of them isn't actually downward dogging somewhere. If that were their only problem. At least Katie has a 90-proof excuse for her irrational behavior! Let's Scoop about it!
Over at the House of Spencer, Katie served dinner to Bill and Brooke when it looked like lunchtime outside, though the sun did set in the middle of it. The youngest Logan sister was out to prove that her boozing was bye-bye. She kept Bill's favorite sauces in the house but dared her dining companions to check their levels. Wouldn't Bill want to get every drop of liquor out of his house at this point?
Katie said she was still seeing her therapist, which is a shame, because we sure haven't seen him. Why all the fuss about casting Chris McKenna as the hunky Dr. Hayden when he's only been in one episode and hasn't factored into story one way or the other? He's not doing her any good, even off-screen, because she's still prattling on about needing reassurances from Brooke and Bill, which they've already provided in spades.
No wonder Katie fugued out, between Bill's bad jokes and Brooke's giggling. Feeding each other! Stolen whispers! Footsies under the table! Stop it, stop it, I say! Katie foamed at the mouth, leaving her confused husband and sister wondering if Katie had turned into Sheila, since Sheila's old cues underscored the scene. Brooke decided the chicken wasn't worth it and got the hell out, while Bill asked Katie why she laid an egg.
"I'm feeling so insecure because of her," Katie admitted, but she's been on about that for two months. Katie cried her apology to Bill. Before he could look forward to chicken leftovers tomorrow because appetites were ruined today, toddler Will made some noise so Bill could exit the scene. Well, wouldn't you know, Katie grabbed a vodka bottle out of a canister appropriately marked "treats" and treated herself to a good long slug!
In that respect, this is a far better alcoholism story than #DrunkBrooke. There's a slower, more realistic descent, whereas Brooke was seeing pink elephants outside of two weeks. But there are too many alcoholics on this show. Deacon, Taylor, Bill, Brooke, now Katie...let's not forget Macy before she "died"...and, by extension, instant pill addict Hope. Couldn't postpartum survivor Katie have gone bonkers without booze?
Katie thought she was so clever, taking a drive down Listerine Highway. Oldest trick in the book! And it never works; the denatured alcohol in the mouthwash might mask the stench of boozy breath, but the smell still comes up from your stomach. That must be why Katie pulled away from Bill's bare-chestedness -- interesting, because in Batie's last seduction attempt, it was Bill who pulled away from Katie.
If Katie's breath didn't give her away, her hiccuping did, which put a hiccup in Bill's libido. Katie suggested her behavioral glitches might come from her antidepressants. Check it: Katie must still have to take her anti-rejection heart meds. So she's doing those, and happy pills, and booze? How is she not in the hospital already? But Katie thought Bill could cure what ailed her, so mmm bop they went.
Bill later risked a secret meeting with Brooke to get her thoughts on Katie's supposed sobriety. Why was Katie, the vice president of Spencer, home while Bill was at the office? Oh, yes -- to have flashbacks of her chicken challenging. Brooke stopped by in time for Will to supply another convenient exit for one of his parents. Brooke needed sugar for her coffee and instead found Katie's sweet, sweet nectar!
The sugar search was a nice touch. Brooke waved her fermented find in Katie's face, and Katie begged Brooke to keep it from Bill. Brooke seemed to cave, and Katie dumped her ba-ba down the sink, but we learned she has another stuffed in a drawer. Pretty conspicuous! Will could find that, and if he can't, Bill certainly could. By the way, where's Donna in all this? She worried about Brooke's boozing, but she's nowhere to be seen with Katie's.
Katie seemed to be jonesing for the bubbly the Forrester-Spencer men toasted with before Wyatt's wedding, but let's back up a bit. First we got two days of Wyatt and Steffy asking, "So we're really getting married?" and commenting, "Wow, we're really getting married!" Okay, we got it -- they're getting married. Not without Wyatt's trademark pressuring, though.
Poor guy. Even Ridge was onto Wyatt, sensing Wyatt's fear that someone would stop the wedding if he didn't rush it through. It's gotten so I feel sorry for Wyatt. He seems like a good guy; he's attractive and spontaneous and all the things Steffy says. But he must buy his blinders in bulk, because he's never once been able to tell that his women don't fully want to be with him. Steffy's even adopted Liam's constipated look!
And that's why, for all the pre-wedding goo-goo eyeing, I can't with Steffy and Wyatt. When Liam was with Ivy and all was well there, the idea of Weffy felt like a good one. They could have built something solid then. But Liam reupped with Steffy, and Wyatt moved on to Ivy. No wonder Bill complimented Wyatt on his wedding arranging; Wyatt probably had all that set up from when he was supposed to marry Ivy three months ago.
I suppose I could let Wyatt get away with being adrift on memory bliss if I didn't know Charlie showed him that security footage of Quinn absconding with Liam! In one breath Wyatt buys Quinn's denials of wrongdoing and in the next he tells Steffy "she'd do just about anything for us." Wyatt can't not know! And now he's marrying Steffy while clamming up about Quinn's interaction with Liam. Wrong. Just wrong!
For Steffy's part, she accepted Wyatt's beach date-setting with straight hair and came back to the house with curls. Perhaps that accounts for the spring in her step as she got apparent new BFF Caroline to be her matron of honor. Steffy's come a long way from calling Ridge and Caroline's May-December relationship "disgusting!" Steffy also won Wyatt's very silly shirtless selfie dare, since Bill stalled about being Wyatt's best man.
Bill thought Liam should stand up for Wyatt; I love that Bill is still hurting over Liam's absence. But then Bill told Wyatt he was lucky Bill could clear his schedule for such a quickie wedding. Right? Wyatt has had Liam's job for only a few soap days, and he's already taking time off. Of course, given Liam's multiple attempts at matrimony, maybe Liam had such leaves written into his contract, which I assume Wyatt took over.
Wyatt decided his latest Liam leftover wedding would be the perfect place for Quinn to prove that new boyfriend Adam wasn't just a figment of her imagination! Though Quinn hedged, Wyatt wasn't sure he liked his mama's boo taking up all of her time. Steffy joked that Wyatt was jealous. Ain't it a hoot? Wyatt is jealous of Liam twice over and doesn't even know it!
Quinn must think Liam has hearing loss along with his memory loss, or she wouldn't have taken a call and deemed Wyatt "sweetheart" with Liam just in the kitchen getting wine. Maybe she should have spotted Will a quarter to provide Liam a more convenient exit. Quinn doesn't know the bullet she dodged, since Wyatt and Steffy wanted to surprise her at the cabin and thought better of it. Too bad! Would have been a cool scene.
But Liam's taking his feisty pills! No longer content to lounge around in jammies and nap to the strains of his white noise machine, Liam's following up on his third generation VHS visions of Steffy and plying Quinn with questions. He wanted to see his marriage license and the spot where he and Quinn got married. He pouted that Quinn didn't want him to remember things and snorted that she always left him alone in the cabin. Pow!
Quinn wanted Liam to pull a Frozen and let it go, but he couldn't get enough of "his" wedding albums. It was like they were Krazy Glued to his hand. It got to be overkill after a while; poring over them once or twice would have been enough. Quinn told Liam they were taking the midnight train to Georgia, whoo whoo, so he'd better step to packing. How does non-millionaire Quinn have the money for a round-the-world trip?
I guess Quinn couldn't quite decide what to do with her cabin. First she said she and Liam were shutting it down then apparently tried to sell it through a real estate agent. More puzzling was Quinn's claim that all the paperwork pertaining to her marriage to "Adam" was "packed away." Didn't Quinn tell him before that they lost just about everything in a fire?
Anyway, Quinn ditched Liam one more time, vaguely saying she had "something to do" but really making a break for Wyatt and Steffy's wedding. And lo, who should be officiating but Chaz Bono? I got to interview him in 1997 long before he transitioned, so that was an adjustment for me. But he really brought a warmth to his performance as Reverend Rydale (oblique Grease reference?). Good job!
Weffy must have suggested a color scheme they didn't tell us about, because everyone was in pale blues. Eric, Bill, and Ridge took the opportunity to wax lyrical; Ridge was unfortunately drowned out a bit by the surf, but man, I could listen to Eric read the phone book. Someone give this man a story of his own! Then Quinn got a chance to say a few words, after Bill strangely interrupted to make sure his ex wouldn't go off.
On the contrary, she eloquently said we all deserve someone who believes in us and inspires us. Of course, she was talking more about Mountain Man Liam than anybody. (I'm Team Quinn on this one -- keep the longer hair and beard!) Said mountain man was going crazy in his wooded cage, obsessing over his supposed bride. Who knew in 2011 that Leffy's overplayed Aspen wedding would play such a part in 2016?
Then the show had Liam do something really bizarre. He jumped on a non-brand search engine (kind of can't get out of that on television) and typed in "females." Instead of pulling up porn or the bikini-clad ladies I got doing that same search, Liam found a bevy of faces and somehow started cutting and pasting them as if they were clipart. This is up there with Liam's iPad recording a video just from throwing it!
At least Liam's composite wasn't an exact match for Steffy. But all Liam had to do was punch in "motorcycle wedding." Ridge is right that Steffy is a celebrity; surely her renegade ceremony was news. And Deacon wouldn't have had photos to doctor unless he'd downloaded them from the Internet! So I'm not sure why Liam had to play computerized paper dolls, even if we did get a neat dissolve to Steffy's real face out it.
Liam knew Quinn was keeping something from him, and his head practically popped off trying to place his vision of Steffy. I was sure he was going to run out of the cabin and try to find Quinn given the suspenseful music; would have been quite a red herring to make us think he was about to interrupt Weffy's wedding only to have him wander around aimlessly.
On the beach, the good reverend took Weffy through their "I wills"...then suddenly we backtracked to do their vows, though Wyatt double backtracked to talk about Quinn first. The decision to have rings tattooed came as a surprise to the minister; wouldn't he have been told about that before the nuptials? Finally, Wyatt, with a very straight face, looked Steffy right in the eye and said, "I will always be honest with you."
Yeah, except about seeing Liam on the security footage, ya dolt! Wow. Wyatt was lucky Liam didn't crash the ceremony. But wouldn't it have been epic beyond epic if Deacon's body had washed up on the shore before Weffy could be declared man and wife? I half expected it for a moment. I couldn't be sure the wedding would actually go through.
But it did! With five marriages between them, Weffy is now Mr. and Mrs. Wyatt Spencer, even though Wyatt was raised a Fuller. No marry-us interruptus. Though I can't see this marriage lasting, not with Liam on the verge of regaining his memory. It's so hard to invest in B&B marriages and weddings anymore, because, as Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, "people come and go so quickly here."
Can't help wondering how it's all going to play out. Will Weffy stay married? Will Quinn go to jail or will Liam decide she's not so bad after all? And just where is Deacon? We've heard nothing definite about Sean Kanan leaving, so I have to imagine Sir Sharpe is cooling out somewhere working on his tan and waiting for the right moment to come back and rock Quinn's world.
What did you think of Katie covering and Weffy wedding? Are they fools for passion or just April fools? Shower your thoughts in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!
• "Considering that Wyatt was in his father's office, imagine the look on Bill's face if Steffy had lost that [shirtless selfie] bet..." -- XylaLet's finish up our April foolishness with some Points to Ponder!• "[Batie] had a solid marriage until Katie decided that Brooke needed a hobby and didn't take no for an answer. Brooke said no, loud and often. Bill showed up on her front door, found out the real reason why...and STILL wanted Brooke to join them. Brooke should be blamed for her actions, but Bill played a huge part in this as well." -- "thecourt99"
• "What is up with Charlie? Someone was hurt on the Forrester property, he sees it on video, and only says something to Wyatt about it. Charlie should have told Eric or Ridge what he saw, especially knowing Quinn's history. Eric knows Quinn came to him requesting a leave of absence, if he knew about Liam, maybe he would figure things out. Especially since nobody has laid eyes on Liam since that day. Charlie should be fired as far as I'm concerned." -- "psychdiva"
• "Wyatt is hopeless, he continues to ignore all the signs that point to what his mother has done and he ignores the fact that Steffy has not told him she loves him (because she doesn't). This marriage won't last. Too bad her mother isn't around to talk some sense into her." -- "Immkokay"
• "Quinn's violent history with Liam makes it impossible for me to believe that Wyatt bought her story. He is either stupid or the most uncaring brother a guy can have." -- Harley
"Our lives have been on hold so long!" Wyatt wailed. Seriously? He's done nothing but fast-track his relationship with Steffy, and it's only been two months besides... Liam recalled hearing Aspen's sounds of nature. I hope he didn't hear Hope's gondola as well...
Brooke went back to the office after her disastrous dinner with Katie. That's odd enough, but what does Brooke actually do at Forrester? She hasn't had a concrete job description there for a long time... Quinn kept wanting Liam to pack. Pack what? He came to the cabin with the clothes on his back and not a worldly possession to his name. Did Quinn go on a shopping spree to fill in Adam's blanks?
"Is Liam on the guest list?" Ridge asked of Steffy. "Did you invite Mom when you married Brooke?" Steffy retorted. Bazinga!... After Liam complained about being cooped up, Quinn said they were going somewhere "beautiful and remote." Just what he needs... Liam recalled first regaining consciousness and flashed back all the way through key moments with "Eve." Nice way of encapsulating the whole Adam/Eve story!
Chanel will be back next week. Until next we meet, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!
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